Words

Running in Place

So my anxiety started in earnest very young. I did not know what was going on, my analysis of my personal journey is again from the perspective of hindsight but I have strong recollections of my thoughts and feelings at the time. All the grown ups always said I was very mature, was I five […]

Bad Dates

Indiana Jones has just tossed the date covered with poison up in the air to catch in his mouth. Faithful Sallah notices a pet monkey dead on the floor after having had a nibble from the dates. He squashes the fruit in the nick of time and says “bad dates” In no particular order: Fix-up: […]

Loud

Not a doctor just my stories… Today is a new day I forgive myself for yesterday… Bipolar and I just didn’t know it… I have had multiple experiences in my life getting yelled at in public by a variety of people telling me I was speaking too loud and I was disturbing them. “It’s like

Sponge

Not a doctor just my stories Let’s start with a pop culture reference; Star Trek: The Next Generation there was a character called Counselor Troy. She was half-betazoid and half human and Betazoids are empaths, they could read feelings and glean thoughts but were not mind readers. So I was recently told something about bipolar […]

Where’s my?

Not a doctor just my stories…

Today is a new day I forgive myself for yesterday…

Where’s my phone? Most consistent problem, the only place I have not left it is in the refrigerator. Where’s my purse? Can walk into house, into kitchen, back out and leave it somewhere then retrace my steps and have no idea. I had an accident and knocked out a tooth and I have a fake one and now I have added where’s my tooth to the roster.

I also constantly ask what day is it? I work two jobs part time and my schedule is finally consistent including outside activities, but not going to the same place every day confuses me.

I also keep to-do lists in my head, so they swirl in the background. I actually am incapable of forgetting them I just put them off if I have a niggle or discomfort about accomplishing them.

Have a bill to take care of need to switch it to worker’s comp and I did two others but this one I push off. I even have a lawyer to back me up it is such a not a big deal. I don’t want to bother “them” I don’t want “billing” to do extra work. I don’t want them to be mad at me even if me is a name out of one hundred names. Ok I am feeling better about this one.

 

Comfort

Not a doctor just my stories… Today is a new day I forgive myself for yesterday… Bed. Bed spelled backwards is Deb, one of my husband’s jokes. I love my bed, I never feel as safe or cozy as being buried under blankets. I watch TV under a fuzzy blanket even if it is hot. […]

Out of Body

Not a doctor just my stories… Today is a new day I forgive myself for yesterday… I have written about my moods, my mental state, brain chemistry and now I read about all these things in addition to my meds and therapy. Brain, brain, brain, childhood, teens, twenties, thirties, sad, bad, guilt, fault, better, happy. […]

Social Media

Not a doctor just my stories… Today is a new day I forgive myself for yesterday… When you have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) Social Media can seem like a godsend. I like to call it short attention span theatre. Bites, bites, everything in small bites. Twitter, small sentences, photos, opinions. Facebook, check ins, vacation […]

Sad

Carrie Fisher said in her memoir Wishful Drinking being bipolar you are going fast or you are going sad. My sad manifests as a weight. Headache behind my eyes, my body droops, I feel physically being pushed down. Tears run down my face, I shake it off, the tears come again. A second cousin of […]